Thespians and Computer Geeks
Michael Kevin Farrell
February 05, 2001
"Mom and Dad - I want to be an actor!"
Generally, one of two things occur at this point; either a.) the parents have a long and heated argument with their budding little thespian or b.) Mom and Dad smile with amusement and silently pray that this is all just a phase.
As much as I hate to admit it, Mom and Dad have a real reason to worry at this point.
The realities of professional acting are harsh. Low pay. Run-down rodent-filled apartments. Long hours waiting tables. And hundreds of rejections at cold, impersonal auditions.
Turn to the computer programmer. Information Technology is an exploding field. Newspapers publish whole sections of help wanted ads for computer types. The compensation is great, the opportunities numerous and the benefits superb. Few are on the job long before headhunters come a-calling, luring the workers away with promises of higher pay, even better benefits and Lord knows what else.
But imagine a slightly different world...
[A dimly lit stage. We see a young emaciated man clad in an NYU t-shirt, with a unkept face full of whiskers. He obviously has not eaten a square meal in weeks, and holds his prize possession, a gleaming laptop computer, by his side. He begins to speak.]
Programmer: It began at age five. I was one of those kids who always knew what they wanted to do. A passion, ya know. Computers. To program them, take them apart - I love that stuff...But it's tough - I've been taking computer classes here at NYU and working as a waiter full-time just to help make ends meet...(looks down in dismay). My parents as you can imagine, weren't happy about my career choice.
(Lights are bright. A portly man sits in an easy chair, whilst an animated overweight woman paces the stage.)
MOM:"He asks for a 130,000 dollar education, just to throw his life into the unpredictable and unstable world of computers! Dale speak to your son!" (they cry desperately).
DAD: I'll straighten that boy out! He has to realize that computer programming is something to be done as well as a hobby. Do it in high school. Hell, maybe even in college. But as a job? I'll be damned if any son of mine spends his life writing computer code instead of working as a respectable thespian!
MOM: Will he listen to you, Dale!
DAD: He damn well better! (shouts) Besides, most of those people involved in computers are homosexuals anyway. Bunch of perverts!
MOM: Oh, why can't he become an actor and live a stable life?
(lights dim again) Programmer: As you can tell, they weren't pleased. Damn near disowned me. But who the hell wants to be an actor anyway? (getting more passionate) I am not going to end up like my old man and waste my life on some god-forsaken stage performing in front of hundreds of people! NO Goddammit! (shouts) I WANT TO BE IN A CUBICLE! I WANT TO SPEND MY LIFE IN FRONT OF A COMPUTER SCREEN! But they can't understand it... the only ones who do are my classmates and professors at NYU.
(in the background, , we see newspaper advertisements projected onto a skrim- ACTORS NEEDED - generous signing bonus and competitive benefits! PLEASE BE IN OUR MOVIE - Want to be a star? Incredible starting salary!)
Programmer: But dreams don't come easy. This is not a lucrative field. I know that. But, someday, let's hope, I'll make it to the big time. (clutches the laptop to his chest) And, instead of seeing my name in lights - you'll see me in that cubicle. (Shouts with finality)
IN FRONT OF THAT SCREEN!!
(Blackout)
Michael Kevin Farrell is a Colby College graduate who occasionally accompanies General Zia on Lowbrow Gourmet expeditions. He can be reached at michaelkevinfarrell@yahoo.com
